I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
