Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
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