Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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