I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
