i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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