watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
