in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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