that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
