im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
