That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
