i was born a porn star she said
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
