I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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