right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
