That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
