When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
