I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
