his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
