I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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