turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
