May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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