I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
