I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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