do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
