her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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