I wish I could teleport
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
