ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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