Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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