You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
