We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
