he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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