I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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