I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
