Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
