tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
