The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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