So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
