I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
