Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
