she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
