He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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