I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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