pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
