so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
