I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
