I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
