ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
