Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
