He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
