And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
