I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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