I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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