I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
