Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
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