we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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