Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
