my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
