There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
