Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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