Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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