Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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