It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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