So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
