We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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